Recently Released…
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Competitive Blood Donors
I bet you didn’t know this about me. I once was a competitive blood donor. Let’s unpack this one together… O-Negative. That’s my blood type. In the blood business that kind of makes me a superstar. O-Negative blood can be shared with all other types. My blood is worth something to everyone. So early on,…
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The Whittaker 2000 Video Game
We have had a few garage sales over the years. I remember once selling some of my albums and somehow my copy of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (picture disc nonetheless) got in the mix and was gone before I knew it. When we were preparing to sell our house in Crystal Lake, we…
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Uncle Johnny Makes a Few Bucks
I got cousins out there somewhere in the wild that may or may not know this story. But it has to be told. My Uncle Johnny made a few dollars on my dad. I’m not upset or disappointed. It simply is a fact and there is a story behind it. Let’s drift back to 1958…
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Have You Ever Been Afraid of a Six Year Old?
Have you ever been afraid of a six year old boy? I have. It was a Saturday morning of shopping and hopefully a nice lunch out. We found ourselves in Schaumburg, Illinois in and around Woodfield Mall. We filled most of our trunk with gifts to ourselves. The list of needs was dwindling fast but…
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Biking Indoors is Never Good Insurance
In 1987 my wife and I lived in Hartford, Connecticut, next door neighbors to Mark Twain to be exact. Well, not actually Mark, but his New England home was just east of us on Farmington Avenue. We had a garden apartment in the Clemens Place which was an easy bus ride into downtown Hartford. I…
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Getting Expelled in College
I’ll spare you the suspense, I didn’t get expelled in college, but I did get very close to it. It’s 1984 and I’m in the junior year of my Bachelor’s Computer Science program at Purdue Calumet University. What could I have possibly done to get into this institutional predicament? I had been working on a…
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Polly Want a Crack?
I have always been a hard worker. I learned it from my father. The work gets done and then the body rests. So, this story begins like many of mine, on the river, our river days. But there is no river in this story. This is about work. Sure, I had a full-time job, so…
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Ditka Opened, but Robin Laid an Egg
It’s 1989 in Chicago and my wife, Carrie and I are nurturing young careers urban-style, working hard & partying hard as they say. My younger brother, Charlie had moved out of my parents house, out of Indiana, and into our pad (for a short time (fingers-crossed)) to see if he could make it in Chi-Town.…
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Unreliable on Liable Road
I could write a book about this time in my life. Who knows, maybe I will. But let’s just center our focus on one spring so many years ago. As the calendar rewinds back to the year 1977, let me reset my mind. There are a lot of memories back there and I need to…
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No Kiss, but I did Get Naked
Early adolescence is hard, let’s all admit it. I was very non-social in my early teenage years. I had a fair excuse. My family moved to another town when I left sixth grade and entered seventh. Then, being of Lutheran faith, I had my nose buried in a bible for two whole years trying to…
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Comic Book Fantasies
When I was quite young, I was a big fan of comic books, the precursor to my early novel reading. I eventually discovered mystery & adventure books. But for a time, comic books were my thing. I liked the Disney comics with Daffy Duck, Uncle Scrooge, Mickey & Minnie to name a few. I liked…
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Elevator Karma
kar·ma /ˈkärmə/ noun – destiny or fate, following as effect from cause. It was a very stormy afternoon. I was racing home from work. I could see another storm approaching and this one looked ferocious. There was a crack in the sky and the man on the car radio said that we were going to…
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Who Taught Me How To Tell A Story?
There once was a boy who was lost. Fighting to be heard at any cost. He found a voice where none was before. And because of you he found more. This story goes out to three young ladies who helped me find my path in life. I was just a young lad no older than…
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Did You Ever Hear About How I Lost My Hearing?
As I walk around this ancient Mexican village which I now call home, I have noticed more and more hearing aids, single & double units. Mostly, they are discreet but if you lean in a bit, you can see them. They’re there. We all realize that as we get older the hearing can dissipate and…
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Rolling Down & Dropping Popcorn
Forget the title. It will make more sense in a moment. Let’s start with the nostalgic and iconic pastime (circa 1950-1970’s) of family outdoor entertainment, the Outdoor Drive-in Movie Theater. In it’s heyday there were over 4,000 theaters. Now only 300 remain. Modern cinematic technology, changing American culture, and the 1970’s oil crisis most likely…
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When We Partied Like 1999, A New Year’s Eve Tale
Caution: This story contains language, nudity, and fireworks! With another new year knocking on our door again, it only makes sense to bring back a New Year’s Eve that ranks up there with some of our best. It was December 1999 and we were planning for one heck of a New Year’s Eve party. 2000…
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Christmas in Mexico
It was a bull. We were on the highway in our Mexican town and in front of us on a flatbed truck standing proud was a Mexican bull. My wife was driving and called it out. I was distracted with my phone in my lap, but looked up to see the odd sight, when it…
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The Great Racoon Lake Campfire Blessing (or what might have been)
Campfires are dangerous and like many things in life, need to be respected. Growing up in Indiana will most likely cause you to end up at some point in one or two places for an outdoor weekend with your family, Turkey Run and/or Racoon Lake. I’ve done both. Great activities like hiking, fishing and camping…
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Throwing A Baby
In the Autumn of 2021 I lost my little brother. He died way too early. News of his death shocked and stunned close friends and family. We decided that it would be a more fitting setting for a “Celebration of Life” ceremony in December to be held in an Irish Pub. Charlie would have liked…
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Cows & Raccoons
You are probably asking yourself what do cows and raccoons have in common, and it would be right fair-minded of you to do so. Well the answer is, my parents. The last home my parents owned was in a small farm town in Northern Indiana. The corn fields ran long and the corn was always…
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On Canoeing & Camping
It was the summer of 1985 and I cashed in on a great idea. I learned that there was a popular canoe/camping destination that you could sign up for that only cost $95 a week per person if you were part of a youth organization at your church. My wife and I had some friends…
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Our First Thanksgiving in Mexico
Last year was our first Thanksgiving in Ajijic, in the state of Jalisco, Mexico. I hoped to feel that holiday spirit of family-around-the-table like in a Norman Rockwell-ish way and to cherish this holiday and set it alongside my memories with parents and grandparents, carving turkey and drenching stuffing with gravy. I knew I was…
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Air Balloon Rides Can Make You Popular
Ahh, the celebrated hot air balloon ride! Up, up and away, as the song goes. If you have never tried it, I think you are missing out on something sensational. Years ago, my wife and I purchased tickets to an air balloon ride at the Norge Ski Club in Fox River Grove, Illinois. The Ski…
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Crows Are Smart
A crow is a bird of the genus “Corvus”. The American Crow lives from seven to eight years. Fun facts about crows include that they are super smart, mate for life, can remember faces, hold funerals for the deceased, have huge brains, can make tools & hide their food. A group of crows is called a Murder.…
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The Solitaire Commuter
Just in time for Halloween, I published this scary fictional story this week. I actually discovered it in my files in an archived box. I wrote it way back on October 30, 1994. Caution! It’s super-scary!
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Getting a Haircut for Cancer
Me at my New Year’s eve party sporting the beginnings of my long hair days. I grew it until it reached my belt and then cut it off for “Locks of Love”
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Water Closet Trouble in France
When one travels to Europe for the first time, one learns many new traveling tips including the most important of all. “Where is the restroom?” For those new to Eupropa, restroom facilities in general are known as “Water Closets” Once understood, suddenly, the ubiquitous “WC” sign seems to appear everywhere. Restrooms are important and knowing…
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The Day I Learned to Hate Pâté
Warning: this story contains smoking, strong language and sophomoric potty humor. I snuffed my half-smoked cigarette out in the ashtray and released my seatbelt. I was at work. It was a Saturday so that meant my weekend job. You see I was going to college and working full time, so it only made sense to…
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Learning to Water Ski & Other Lessons Learned Through Failure
It was 1995 when my wife, Carrie and I bought a house on the Fox River. We didn’t know the first thing about boating so we signed up for Coast Guard Safety Training at the local community college. Thirteen Friday evenings later, we were certified and knew enough about boating to know it is damn…
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“Thou Art My Savior” and Other Fine Quotes From Starving Cats
My wife, Carrie and I nuzzled into a cozy small one bedroom apartment on the third floor of a courtyard-building on the upper northside of Chicago, known as East Rogers Park. We lived there for a couple of years back in the early 1990’s. I worked in the city and my train stop was on…
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Elton John on a Full Bladder
If you are like me, you like a story with a happy ending. This isn’t one of those. It was the summer of 1989 (August 26 to be exact) and Elton John was touring the country. He made a stop in Hoffman Estates, Illinois at the Popular Creek venue which was a grand outdoor theater…
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Two Weeks Does Not a Marriage Make
I am lucky. I’m lucky for many reasons. One, I met my wife, Carrie, at a young age and have been enjoying a lifetime of wonderful memories. Another reason I am lucky is because I won a Caribbean cruise on a Chicago radio station. On February 14 (St. Valentine’s Day), 1983 I picked up the…
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Taking a Dog Down the River
If you have been following my posts, you know that I have written a few stories about our life on the river. Well, here’s another one. We lived on the Chain-O-Lakes on the Fox River just north of the McHenry dam in northern Illinois. Our street was separate from most of the river-front homes in…
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Never Take a Shotgun into a Bathroom
One of the most contentious topics these days center on guns. I’m not here to discuss the good or bad of guns. But I will share a little story with you if you are willing to indulge me for a few minutes. For my fourteenth Christmas I received a 12 gauge shotgun. I didn’t ask…
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The Haunted Ladder
I always look forward to writing stories about my dad. He led such an interesting life. He was one of the most hardworking men I’ve ever met in my life. I remember growing up, he always had two to three jobs, just to make money to put food on the table. One Saturday morning when…
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Life Inside a Dumbwaiter
I have often said that I am an accumulation of everything I’ve wanted to be. And on this blog article topic, I may be one of the few experts worldwide. Life inside a dumbwaiter? How does one gain the mature wisdom and experience of becoming an expert on life inside a dumbwaiter? I’ll tell you.…
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At the Rocky Horror Picture Show with an Egg
So, enter the cult-classic movie, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. Written by Richard O’Brien produced and released in 1975. Nobody seen that coming. Nobody could really explain it. It was just a moment in time, when planets aligned, the moon was blue, and everybody had to go to the theater and see Rocky Horror, again…
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Twenty-Seven Bees Versus One Shirt
If you are squeamish about bee stings then this one is for you. I was a young boy living in a corner of a small town in northern Indiana. I led a farmstead lifestyle. I grew up with horses, ducks, and chickens; everything that you expect on in a picturesque agrarian life. Life passed slowly…
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Cold & Naked
One cold, grey January day in 1997, I planned to paint the master bedroom at our house on the Chain-O-Lakes in northern Illinois. Our home at that time was a two story river house that had itself grown over the decades by way of several large construction projects. By the time we bought it, it…
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The Wrong Prescription for the Carribbean
Most people know about the Bahamas, but fewer have heard of the Abaco Islands, a small archipelago just north of the main land. One December many years ago, my wife, Carrie and I visited these islands. Our dear friends were retired and living there on a sixty foot Sea Ray yacht. They invited us to…
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Chopsticks 101
It’s 2008 and once again I’m in hot pursuit of a new life-changing event. I remember as a child, I couldn’t understand why my grandmother Millie couldn’t just stay put. It seems she was moving to a new house every couple of years. But like I said, it was 2008 and I was a full-grown…
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The Telephone Pole
Do you have any idea how heavy a 75 foot telephone pole weighs? I do. The year was 1979. Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers were playing in town the night the telephone pole was struck down out in front of the my friend’s house. Some guys from high school had started the musical celebration a little early…
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The Guy Who Gets to Name Fonts
Corsiva, Albertus, Estrangelo-Edessa, Garamond, Kartika, Marlett, Tahoma and Verdana… I want to meet the guy that gets to name fonts. I wonder what his list of rejected font names might look like… There are two different categories of fonts: Serif and San Serif which are easily detectable by their type face. Serif fonts have lots…
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Root Beer and Bananas
Root Beer and Bananas, bad combination? You bet! Unless you are already an unfortunate victim of this combination like myself, then take heed to this important message! Root beer and bananas should never be eaten at the same time without ice cream. If you want to partake in this delicacy be forewarned. This ice cream shop faire must be…
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Grandma and the Fireball
In 1976, I was just 14 years old when our proud country was celebrating its 200th birthday. As a tribute to the upcoming event, Ray and Mildred Thilmont decided to host a family gathering. In 1976, they lived in Griffith, Indiana. Millie, as most called her, was my grandmother. And her house in Griffith became…
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Chapstick and the Vacuum Cleaner
Have you ever tasted bad chap stick? Most brands of chap stick or lip balm come in a variety of flavors, and for the most part, have a non-offensive taste. So how could it be that I found myself wondering this very question one day back in 1994? Let me think now… it was February, no…
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Autumn Comes Again
Excerpt from my runner’s diary: August 25, 2010 – Good run. Felt strong at the end. A leaf hit me on the way home. I like to try and find the FIRST hint of a new season. I have often said that autumn in Chicago is the most predictable of all seasons found here. So,…
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A Cemetery Tree
Some people believe that when you die, you come back in another life. When I was young, I would play this game with my close friends. I would ask, “if you could come back in another life, what would you be?” They might have said, “a bird, a fish or a frog”. It was all…
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59 Chickens and 1 Fox
When I was a boy there was a time when I could have the freshest of farm fresh eggs. Out back, deep in the south-east corner of our property stood an old wooden building. It looked as if it had been there a long, long time. One summer, we opened it up, dusted it off, aired…